Sometimes therapy doesn't work and there can be many reasons for it from having a bad therapist to not having enough sessions, but the most common and most difficult to find is the hidden benefits - that we reap from having the illness or a problem in life.
Hidden benefits are the main cause of lack of results in therapy, relapses, and constant pop ups of new problems in different areas of life. The word hidden is the key here and as a therapist it is my number one job to find them and bring them to the surface. The power of this phenomenon can not be underestimated. It can override the effects of medication, it can cause complete reversal of any improvements that were achieved medically or emotionally, it can affect physical processes in our life that should be very natural and easy for us to handle (birth, going to the toilet, eating, having sex etc.).
The acceptance of these benefits is the key to long lasting transformation, but its one of the hardest parts of therapy, it takes guts and honesty from the client to took them in the eye, some of them might be embarrassing to accept, some might come across as manipulation of people around you for your benefit, some might be just too scary to look at, but no matter what it is, it needs to be addressed.
The embarrassment or fear can come from the realisation that we have been using these problems in life to either gain attention, to hide from the emptiness within us or trying to create an identity that we can present to the world, hiding our true feelings and desires. It might feel like a safe warm hole, which is just fine to be in, but the nudge of honesty within yourself will keep on knocking and will eventually kick the door in when you least expect it. The acknowledgement and processing of the hidden benefits can become the bravest and most certain step towards the life you really want, so no need to fear, its so worth it!
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