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But it doesn't bother me now... Birth...

I wanted to go into a little more detail with one of my absolutely favourite subjects and how this beautiful right of passage can become the traumatic event that splits life into before and after.

With the language and fear based conversations often held at the hospitals and midwife's appointments, we are hypnotised to believe that anything we really feel and want isn't right and that we have to surrender and be lead by the "professionals". For some this becomes the moment when they give up their number one sense , the sense that something isn't right, and repeatedly betray themselves by agreeing to manipulations and examinations that they don't want.

The next stage is preparation for birth and birth itself. In the mainstream environment the mothers body no longer belongs to her, and in a way, many women are lead to believe that the only thing that matters now is for the baby to come out ok. This again, separates the woman from the process and the baby and creates a feeling of helplessness and , while this is meant to be the time to feel the most empowered, total lack of power. Later on when it is all over, the common phrases like "at least the baby is healthy, that's all that really matters", or "you should be happy that your baby is ok" add to the fire of emotions

. No one actually asks the mother how she is and what is she feeling, she is no longer the centre of attention, her concern and feelings about herself and how the process went for her are often dismissed.

My clients often come with a subtle, but constant feeling of having to compromise in life and not trusting own instincts and abilities. When we do a little digging it turns out that this started at the time just after birth, when the pressure and timelines interfered with the woman's natural process and she was made to believe that she just couldn't do it and needed help.

They often say that it doesn't bother them now, and that its not making angry anymore. And, again, that is our magical body and mind protecting us from the experience, but the subconscious mind will always use that filter to view everything similar in a different light, with a hint of self doubt, fear and helplessness.

We can't change the past, but we can certainly change our view of it, we can remove the heavy emotional charge that keeps dragging us back there, we can extract the neutral wisdom from the situation and accept is a fact of life, not good, not bad, just as it is. This work can make a huge difference to the following pregnancies and births, creating a path to healing and empowerment, improving postpartum experience and ability to bond with the baby.

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